Another cultural insights post. This time it’s about Thai Time. I already talked about it briefly in another post stating that Thais are lazy and quite often come very late. This post now covers the background and shows how appointments in Thailand differ from what we are used to in the western world.

Let’s start this thing off with an example that just happened the other day:

The appointment with FRIENDS (yeah, the people who are supposed to like me) wasn’t even made yet and it already showed typical thai style. It was monday and we decided to meet on tuesday in ‘the afternoon’. My thai friend then said ‘I will call you tomorrow’. Alright. While I would have appreciated a set time already (since I knew what was going to happen) I thought ‘ok, thai style. no chance in arguing’.

So the next day came up and, of course, no call in the morning or around lunch. The call came at around 2pm and went on like this ‘Hi! Where are you???? I’m at the shopping mall to meet you NOW’.

My response: ‘Well I’m at home ’cause I didn’t know when we would meet..’ Thai friend interrupted: ‘Ooooooh….I’m waiting for you. Now!’ I then said I would come as quickly as possible. Probably would take me about 20 minutes…

When I arrived at the shopping mall in front of the shop that we set up to be the meeting point nobody was there so I called my friend ‘hey where are you?’ My friend replied ‘Oh I am at the book store now wait A MOMENT…’. This moment then took 35 (!!!) minutes…and when my friend arrived she wasn’t even sorry ’cause that’s just ‘normal’ Thai style. Waiting is ok ’cause you obviously have nothing else to do.

One timer? Ha! No way! This happens all the time and simply shows that time is not that important over here. People wait all the time and therefore they don’t have a problem to let you wait. Even if you say it’s important, you will have to wait. And when you get mad about it, people will not understand but declare you ‘crazy’ and ‘mad’.

What to do about it?

Live with it, cope with it, don’t try to change it. Well of course there are people who understand the importance of time and that the shouldn’t piss you off all the time (especially when you are their teacher or friend or boss) but even the people who understand it and try to be on time once in a while will, sooner or later, forget about it again. ‘That’s Thai style and you can’t change it. It’s in our blood’ is what I’ve been told and it really looks like that’s the ugly truth.

Culture Clash: Appointments in Thailand – Thai Time

Yeah yeah. You tried everything. Even the effin mega spicy chilli sausage at WalMart. Nothing can shock you. And yeah, you’ve been to the local Thai restaurant and survived the ‘Green Curry’. Awesome and congratulations you still have no idea about REAL HOT (spicy) food.

Real Thai food isn’t like the whinny whimpy green curry thingy that you get in your all inclusive hotel on Phuket or your local Thai restaurant back home in Europe. In fact the food you get would get bitch-slapped by every children’s dish over here in Thailand.

Ever wondered why Muay Thai boxing is considered to be one of the most dangerous sports off all? Sure thing. Muah Thai fighters eat REAL Thai food.

While ‘normal’ boxing usually takes time to get started since the fighters check on each other during the first rounds to see what the opponent is all about Muay Thai fighters come out of their corner and beat the hell out of each other. No waiting, no checking. Pure, uncontrolled, fighting untill one is down.

Real Thai food is just like that. It doesn’t take hours to ‘develop it’s real flavor’ or bullshit like this. It already makes you cry when looking at it and smelling it. Just like seeing one of those Muay Thai fighters across you, you know you will suffer. There is a very good reason why in every Real Thai street kitchen you got drinking water for free and tissues on every table.

The other day I met a foreign couple at a local McDonald’s and they tried to talk with the girl at the counter asking her if the burgers here aren’t that spicy because all the food outside is to hot for them…

Now, with no further ado, let’s meet the asskicking machines of cuisines, the incredible Hulk of the food landscape, food that would make Mike Tyson call his momma.

>>Intro: If you think you’re a badass, simply add the words ‘ped’ (spicy) or ‘ped mak’ (bring it on, dude, i just finished my last will, kill me) to your next order<<

1.) Ga Pow Moo (Kai Dao)

Thai Food - Ga Pow Moo Kai Dao

This is pretty much the easiest food around. It’s the Muay Thai novice so to say. Almost everybody in Thailand can cook it and it still is great to taste and able to bring tears to your eyes.

Ga Pow basically means ‘fried minced meat’ while Moo stands for pork (gai = chicken, nya = beef). Kai Dao simply means ‘fried egg’ and man will you appreciate something that is not spicy when eating it. Now, depending where you try it, the cook might already wanna make it ‘foreigner friendly’ (‘mai ped’ – not spicy) so you should simply say ‘ped ok’ when ordering. This makes sure you can enjoy it the way Thais do.

While most of us are sure that the meat is dead once it’s minced and fried Thais try to be extra sure and simply drown it in chili, garlic and basil. And that’s not the sweet little basil that you have at home, Thai basil is different. It’s the bully from your highschool who put you in a rubbish bin every other monday.

The classic Ga Pow dish comes with three cucumber slices. You’ll figure out pretty fast why. And, btw, just like when hitch-hiking through galaxy, make sure to have a towel with you. Or at least 500 tissues.

 2.) Penang or Green Curry

penang curry - looking directly into it could make you blind

Don’t smart ass me dude, I know Penang is in Malaysia. I live here. Nevertheless Penang Curry made its way onto almost every Thai menu and is therefore accepted as local food. However you could also add REAL (yeah I have to say it again) green curry here. It indeed is different from the one you have back home. It’s quite similar when you compare going to McDonalds and having one of those ‘all the same’ burgers with grilling your own, awesome burger on your George Foreman grill. Understand? It’s not the same! Real Thai curry kicks your ass even before you can ask ‘is it spicy?’.

3.) Som Tam (Papaya Salad)

Som Tam - ass kicking machine

Once again, don’t try the tourist thing. The tourist thing is like professional wrestling. Looks awesome and fancy, is entertaining but lacks the real thrill. Try it somewhere on the streets, get dirty, streetfighter style!

If the guys in the street shop try to explain Som Tam (Som Tum) to you and they say ‘papaya pok pok’ instead of papaya salad you know, you’re right. There then are two different versions of Somtam that depend on the region you are in or the origin of your cook.
 

• Som Tam Thai: Quite likely the most common Som Tam all across Thailand especially in the southern and central regions. It’s quite (meaning f^&$ing incredible get the hell outta here) spicy when it comes ‘Thai style’ (ped mak!) and you’ll probably won’t be eating anything else for the next few hours.

• Som Tam Isaan / Som Tam Laos (North-Eastern Thailand / Laos): Kinda like when you had your first German beer. You thought: Damn mate, that’s real beer. It blew you away. And then, some time later, you had REAL beer in Bavaria. Bavarian sized! Just a kick in the nuts for every other beer around, no matter how good it tasted before. So that’s what Som Tam Isaan does to Som Tam Thai. I have to admit that Som Tam Isaan has some different ingredients that make it a little less ‘interesting’ for me (I simply hate the smell of fermented fish) but, if you’re into spicy stuff, you gotta try it.

 
4.) Tom Yum Gai / Tom Yum Goong (Thai Hot & Sour Soup)

tom yum - reports say that people actually lost their fingers after sticking them into it

 
 5.) Laab Moo

laab moo - the bitchy bar girl of thai food

And another ‘salad’ on the list. This one is even more funny than the ‘Papaya Salad’ (Som Tum) since there is actually nothing salad like, in the classical sense of ‘something green’ (except some chilies and basil of course), in it. Laab Moo is, once again, an Isaan (North-Eastern Thailand) or Laos thing and looks pretty innocent when it first arrives at the table.

But don’t be to sure. Laab Moo (Moo again stands for pork) is a bitch. And it’s not like a Muay Thai boxer, no, it’s worse. It’s like one of those nice and cute bar girls you meet on Phuket or in Pattaya (well, if you’re lucky it’s a REAL girl). Not like those cheep girls, no. First they are cute and funny, listen to you and really seem to care about you just to run away with all your money, credit cards and self-esteem once you let them in your heart (and quit your job to come to Thailand AFTER transferring all your funds to her).

Laab Moo doesn’t look dangerous and the first bite really isn’t. It’s minced pork. Yeah, nice. Finally something to enjoy and rela…..DAMN YOU MOTHERF&#@CKER I’M DYING!

It kicks you in the nuts just when you’re ready to relax, it burns your throat and I swear I could hear it whisper ‘I got you, loser’ into my ear while I was trying to reach for the next glass of water. While doing so I could once again hear someone or something say: ‘That won’t help you either, don’t fight it. Let it be’.

Just like after a Muay Thai fight I would be very impressed if you’re still on your feet but I’m quite certain that it’s time for somebody to call your momma.

5 hot & spicy Thai foods that make every badass call his mommy

I have waited long with this post but finally I found the time to finish it. Two of my favorite things combined. The monday night CBS TV Show ‘How I Met Your Mother’ (granted it was way better when it started a few years ago) and, the country I live in right now, Thailand (guess that’s why you’re here).

The question at hand: What does Thailand have in common with a CBS TV Show? To answer that I have to take you on a short ride with two of the main characters of How I Met Your Mother. Ted & Marshall.

Ted & Marshall became best friends from the moment they moved in together in college. The shared rooms ever since and are, by the age of almost 30, still room-mates and remain best friends even after Marshall moves in together with his wife Lilly. During their room-mate time and despite the fact that they’ve been best friends forever (even though Barney claims to be their best friend) they, of course, came across some bumps, difficult decisions and so on. Whenever a difficult decision was on the table both of them had a unique way of dealing with it: If it was something that would benefit you now and maybe harm you later let so called ‘Future Ted’ and ‘Future Marshall’ deal with it. Kind of ‘don’t spoil the current fun by thinking to much about the future’. Of course ‘Future Ted’ and ‘Future Marshall’ very often then happened to hate ‘Past Ted’ and ‘Past Marshall’ since thinking ahead isn’t always a bad idea.

And that’s exactly where How I Met Your Mother meets Thailand. Thailand seems to almost only consists of ‘Future Teds’ and ‘Future Marshalls’. Only very few people care and think about the future and what their current behavior might cause in the (even near) future.   Examples can be, unfortunately, found everywhere in all points and aspects of life.

Let’s take a look at a typical public place in Thailand. No matter if it’s a park, a public space in front of a shopping mall or even the sport or canteen area in our college. It’s everywhere the same. People meet, have a nice time together (until here it’s good), eat and drink (still good) and then, when they are finished they leave without cleaning up their mess (not good anymore). If you take a look at a place where Thai people met after they left, it’s quite likely that you see something that resembles a war field instead of a public meeting space. Rubbish all over the place. And not only ‘a little bit’ of it, I mean it’s all over the place. Everywhere. Always. Nobody gives a damn about the future (in this case: the day, heck, even the hour after) and simply thinks ‘somebody will take care of it because every time I come back, the rubbish is gone’.

Another example: Driving. I have spent quite a while in different countries all across this planet and have never seen so many bad drivers in one place. In Europe we learn that we have to drive foresightful / far-sighted. That’s the main purpose of driving schools. Learning how to watch the traffic around you and how to see and understand what other traffic participants are doing in order to avoid critical situations and accidents. In Thailand it’s more like: Get in the car, start driving, send a prayer to buddha and hope for the best. Once again nobody cares about others or the future (in this case the accident ahead). Everybody is just looking at his very own advantage at this very time without thinking about the possible affect of being a traffic ass to others.

Those are only two examples that happen every single day. There are, of course, many more and it’s sad to see that a country that has to offer so much gets dumped and held down by it’s own people. Sure, there are many people who understand the importance of thinking about the future and thinking at all. But it is, unfortunately, still the minority here in Thailand and it doesn’t look like it’s going to change anytime soon.

The Future Thais

Thailand needs to understand that, in order to preserve the future, they have to give up on some ‘easy’ and extremely convenient ways of living (like getting a plastic bag for every single chocolate bar they buy at 7-11). Unfortunately, as soon as people here hear ‘you have to give up on something’ they switch into the ‘ignore mode’ and don’t listen anymore since everybody is already convinced that he/she gives up on many things all the time (I say ‘convinced’ because it’s quite often their own decision. Obvious ‘suffering’ is supposed to make yourself look good among your social circles – more in another post) and therefore is not willing to give up on anything else. Thailand, unfortunately, only works with threats and pressure. If the government says something and threatens the people with consequences, they will do what is necessary to avoid them. Not because they understand, because they are afraid and they always go the easy way.

This has to change, Thailand. Ask future Ted and future Marshall.

Ted Mosby, Thai architect – What How I Met Your Mother and Thailand have in commmon

Since I just talked with a friend who asked me about different Visa types and what you have to consider when coming here (she wants her boyfriend to come) I thought I’ll give it a try and assemble a list of what I know so far and what happened to me during my visa runs.

First let’s get the visa terminology straight:

Visa Run
Visa Run is the term widely used for the trip / journey you have to take in order to extend or renew your visa for Thailand. Depending on the type of your visa you have to leave Thailand sooner or later to receive a new visa when entering again. That action is commonly called ‘Visa Run‘.

Visa Service
Well the name says it all. Dubious travel agencies offer so called ‘visa service’ where they either put you in a mini van and carry you to the border and assist with filling out the application form (which is in english) and charge your for that or they offer to take care of it all which means you give them a lot of money and your passport and then simply hope for the best. Bottom line: Don’t trust them. Don’t be a coward. Do it yourself!

Visa on arrival
Visa on arrival is the name of the ‘most easy’ visa you can obtain when entering Thailand. You don’t need to worry about anything, you will simply get the visa when arriving at the Thai border. Hence the name Visa on Arrival.

So let’s check some of the common Visa types in Thailand. And sorry but since it doesn’t apply to me I don’t know much about marriage or partnership visas. I’ll try to gather the relevant information from trustworthy sources though.

Tourist Visa on arrival via land – 14 days
The name says it all. If you arrive in Thailand via land (train, car, bus) and you need a Visa on arrival you will get a visa that is valid for 14 days.

Tourist Visa on arrival via air – 30 days
Same like above with one difference. If you enter Thailand via plane you will get a Visa on Arrival that is valid for 30 days.

Tourist Visa – 60 Days
If you apply for a tourist Visa before entering Thailand or at an immigration office within Thailand you might be eligible for a 60 days tourist visa. Please check your local office / embassy if that is the case.

Download: Tourist Visa Application Form

Non Immigrant Working Visa – Type B
That’s one of the more common working visas here. If you have a valid work permit and contract from your employer you can apply for this Visa. It usually is valid for one year but still needs you to leave Thailand every 90 days.

But but but….’what happens if I overstay my visa‘ you might ask now.
Well you’ll have to pay for that the next time your passport get’s checked (i.e. when you’re leaving Thailand again). Common rates are 500 THB for every day you overstay your visa up to a maximum amount of 20,000 THB. Why there is a maximum? I have no idea but it kinda saved me once when I didn’t know I had to leave Thailand every 90 days even though I had a one year visa.

Thailand Visa Overview – Short List

During my life in Udon Thani, Bangkok and Thailand as a whole I meet / met a lot of interesting and fascinating people. This is their place to tell the world what they think about all different kinds of subjects. You will find interviews with students, colleagues, workers, farangs and more random citizens or tourists. Today it is one of my friends from Krung Thep Mahanakhon Amon Rattanakosin Mahintharayutthaya Mahadilok Phop Noppharat Ratchathani Burirom Udomratchaniwet Mahasathan Amon Phiman Awatan Sathit Sakkathattiya Witsanukam Prasit (:P) who talks about her life in Bangok as well as about her plans for the future. She is a student, hard working and already experienced the sweet taste of the European lifestyle. Ladies and Gentlemen: Nana.

What’s your name?
Nana

Where are you from?
Thailand

How old are you?
21

Where do you live?
Bangkok

Why are you in Bangkok?
because I was born here

What are you usually doing in Bangkok?
“hang out with friends
eat outside with my family”

How long will you stay in Bangkok? (student: planning in leaving?)
I would like to go and get some experiences abroad but finally I will be back home where i’m from, Thailand.

Job / Studies? (if student, what do you want to be?)
I’m studying and also working.
Now being an employee in one of the most famous companies in Thailand but my aim is to be my own boss one day.

Hobbies
Cooking, Eating, Viollin

talking straight

What do you think of Bangkok? Do you like it? don’t like? What do you like and what not?
Bangkok: good city to be, to work for a short period of time, not the whole life.

I like all facilities and comfortable things in Bangkok and what i dont like is that too many people are here because it’s the capital city; better to live in up-country during retirement.

You know the word farang, right?
Yes

What do you think about farang people?
someone are good.
someone suck!

How do you consider you current status in life?
to have a better life you cannot wait for government’s support or help so you have to do everything yourself if you want to live well in Thailand.

Are you happy?
Yes….soooo happy!

Dreams?
Happiness
Being able to take care and support myself, my family or someone i love.
Help people, someone in need or do something for my community.

And now…

Do you use Social Networks like Facebook or Hi5? If yes, which ones:
Yes, Facebook

What do you use the internet for?
as search engine

Famous last words
it’s not a short interview lol

Back to where I’m from | Interview with Nana

Since Bangkok is in the guiness book of world records for the world’s longest city name, I thought it’s about time to present this name to you. Here it is:

In Thai:

กรุงเทพมหานคร อมรรัตนโกสินทร์ มหินทรายุทธยา มหาดิลกภพ นพรัตนราชธานีบุรีรมย์ อุดมราชนิเวศน์มหาสถาน อมรพิมานอวตารสถิต สักกะทัตติยะวิษณุกรรมประสิทธิ์

Understand? Great! If not: Why? :p

Well I’m a nice guy so here’s for the few lazy people that don’t speak Thai…

In English:

Krung Thep Mahanakhon Amon Rattanakosin Mahintharayutthaya Mahadilok Phop Noppharat Ratchathani Burirom Udomratchaniwet Mahasathan Amon Phiman Awatan Sathit Sakkathattiya Witsanukam Prasit

Translation:

The city of angels, the great city, the eternal jewel city, the impregnable city of God Indra, the grand capital of the world endowed with nine precious gems, the happy city, abounding in an enormous Royal Palace that resembles the heavenly abode where reigns the reincarnated god, a city given by Indra and built by Vishnukarma

And is pronounced like that

But don’t be afraid! Usually Bangkok is  only referred to as Krung Thep or Krung Thep Mahanakon. Thanks to the laziness of Thai people

The full name of Bangkok is

This is not a ‘real’ blog post or article but more like an announcement. A recent twitter discussion between me and a friend of mine ended with many people interacting and coming to one conclusion: There is NO decent Pizza Place in Bangkok.

Seriously? The City of Angels. The Greatest City of all. Krung Thep Mahanakon. And NO decent Pizza Place??

[there is no need to talk about those pizza company %&$@ that serves pizza without real cheese but with ketchup]

Now, after already bringing sexual education into your living room we here at my-thai.org (funny how I speak from myself in the third person but I will take friends with me in this case of course) think it is our god given duty to go on the hunt for this one magic place, this culinary oasis in the middle of Ga Pow Moo and Pad Thai (what usually is awesome of course!) stands, the holy grail of food, the best Pizzeria in Bangkok. 

Starting this June we (!!) will provide you with names, addresses and relentless honest Pizza reviews from all across the City – or even the country. We will not rest until we found it.

(if you own a pizza place and you think you have what it takes to become a my-thai.org approved pizza place, drop us me a line and we’ll come at you give it a try and feature you here on my-thai.org as well as on pizza-diaries.com)

Pizza Challenge – Finding a decent Pizza Place in Bangkok

Time for another accommodation review. A few days ago I happened to stay in Bangkok once again and, after some time, I chose a destination close to Khaosan Road. After having spent the last visits in Hua Lamphong I simply wanted to go back there since I missed…not Khaosan….but the ferry boats that leave from the nearby Phra Attit Pier.

This time I chose the Thara House as my home base and was, well, not that satisfied.

However the nice things first: The rooms are nice and tidy. Nothing to complain about that! Bathrooms are clean as well and the hot water (not that you  need it – it’s incredibly hot anyway) works as well.

But now let’s start the evaluation my-thai.org style. 

Location: Right on Phra Attit Road. Close to the Phra Attit Pier and about 5 – 10 minutes (depending on your alcohol level) to Khaosan Road.  Even though it’s not in Khaosan Road, it still has many bars in the neighborhood what makes it hard to go to bed early (yeah, we tried. once) since it’s simply to noisy.

Staff: Couldn’t care less about it’s customers. I called before I got there and asked for a room and rates. They told me they have rooms for 450 Baht available (double) and I said ok, take it. When I arrived however they then told me only the ‘window rooms’ are available right now. They cost 540 Baht (still double). Since I was quite tired I accepted and asked if they could tell me the next day when someone leaves the cheaper room so that we could change (window or not. who cares?). They said ‘yes, of course’. The next day I then asked for the cheaper room and they said there are still none available (even though I met a couple on the corridor that just checked out of such a room).

Same problem with the A/C which wasn’t working well. I asked if they could repair it and they said ‘yes, sure’. But nothing happened. Twice.

In short: Liars. 

Internet: Claims to have 24/7 wifi. However, in the 4th floor, there wasn’t much to see of that. Sucks!

Price: 540 for a double room with window (where you can see….nothing except the next building).

Accommodation: Already mentioned it. Tidy and clean. That’s ok. If you’re having problems with stairs it’s nothing for you though. No lifts and pretty steep stairs.

Bottom Line: Could be worse, but could be much much better though. My recommendation: Do not check in at Thara House!

Hostel Review: Thara House – Bangkok

First entry of the Thai Talent category is Nuttwadee Niroka, nickname Benz (nope, not related to the car).

Benz is a talented young girl who lived in Bangkok and Udon Thani and will start to study English at University soon.

This short collection over here shows some videos she helped me to create for my English students. She covered some famous songs and let me use them for teaching purposes. Thanks a lot for that of course!

So now get ready to meet a small girl with a big voice! Benz, the stage is yours!

And even one video with a live on stage performance:

Thai Talent: Benz – Small girl, big voice

When you are a foreigner in Thailand and walking around some popular tourist areas like Khaosan Road in Bangkok, or similar places in Pattaya and other tourist magnets you are quite likely to hear TukTuk drivers and other suspicious fellas offering you a ride to a Ping Pong Show.

This happens all the time and I actually don’t realize those offers anymore. However when I walked across Khaosan Road the other day with a Thai friend of mine and a taxi driver offered a ride to a Ping Pong Show she asked me what that means. I was quite stunned that a Thai girl, a Bangkok local, does not know one of the most famous sex shows (ok, that speaks for her) in the world. So here is a little bit of education from me for all of you who think a Ping Pong show is related to sports:

IT IS NOT! It’s all about sex. Young girls stick Ping Pong balls into their private parts and shoot them out (well ok, maybe it is some kind of sport then). And yes, that’s not a joke. I don’t want to show those videos here but if you don’t believe me simply hit over to wikipeda (or a more adult friendly video site that hosts such videos) and see for yourself.

That’s it with the sex education today. Remember: Ping Pong Show = not the same kind of sports you used to do in school (I hope). More educational messages soon to come.

Thailand’s Ping Pong Show – It’s not a sport!