Living 

3 reasons why Thailand is the perfect place for a Zombie outbreak

A few weeks back we saw the first ever RUN FOR YOUR LIVES event here in Thailand. An event where participants of a race could sign up either as survivors or as zombies. Survivors, well, had to survive the race and Zombies had, well, to do Zombie stuff and prevent the survivors from surviving. Now that this fun race is over and most people are back to normal (as far as that can be said here in Bangkok) the question that sticks to my mind is: What if it actually happens? What if there was a Zombie outbreak? Would Thailand be in danger?

And don’t tell me Zombies aren’t real! There are documentaries everywhere that prove you wrong. Like The Walking Dead, 28 Days Later, I Am Legend or World War Z. The fact alone that those kind of movies never seem to die out (ha!) is evidence enough that Zombies are a very real threat to human society. And if that isn’t enough simply go and luck up more evidence on the internet. Lots of proof to be found there! And we all know that if it’s on the internet, it must be true.

So, now that this is settled, back to the topic at hand. Is Thailand in danger of a Zombie outbreak? Well, brace yourselves, the answer is: Yes. Yes it is. In fact it is not only in danger of a Zombie outbreak, it actually is the perfect place for it to happen in the very beginning. The following three reasons will show you why. And why only 3 reasons you ask? How many reasons for a Zombie outbreak do you need? Man. Let’s go.

Reason 1: Open shoes & Zombies

If you have ever been to Thailand you probably realized that 154% of the population wear open shoes. Flip Flops mostly, sometimes sandals or, oh lord, crocs. Open and therefore not suitable for running. When I now would ask you what you would do once you see a Zombie? What would you say?

Exactly! Running away. Now try that with a pair of loosely attached shoes to your feet and even the dumbest of Zombies from Shaun of the Dead could catch and chew away on you in no time!

Reason 2: Can’t stand the heat.

Now that is something that should actually help us humans compared to Zombies but heck no. Here in Thailand it seems to be in reverse again. As soon as the temperature rises over the 35 degrees (the real degrees, US friends) bar citizens seem to stop being able to continue their life. It seems like they fall back into some kind of slow-motion sickness and only barely manage to complete everyday chores. Enter Zombies. Sure Zombies don’t like the broad daylight but the heck, at least they come out once it’s dark and then shift into full ‘let’s eat all humans’ mode while everybody else here keeps complaining that it doesn’t get much colder at night. And as well a know from one of the best documentaries on that subject, Warm Bodies, Zombies just love exactly that. Nicely bbq’ed human flesh. Welcome home, boys (and girls! Not making this a gender issue here!).

OMG! NO! AAAAAAAAH
OMG! NO! AAAAAAAAH

Reason 3: “ZOMBIE” is everywhere

Go into a random bar tonight. A bar where a Thai cover band plays. Wait a few songs and I am sure you will hear the very familiar tunes of “Zombie” by “The Cranberries”. This seems to be one of the most covered songs ever here in Thailand and most people seem to love it (well that’s why it’s being covered all the time, right? Or the other way around? Hm).

Now just imagine there’s a Zombie outbreak. Someone would run around and scream Zombie Zombie Zombie. All that would happen would be lots of people chiming in yelling ‘bie bie bie …in youuuuuuuuur heaaaaaaaaaaaaad in your heeeeeaaaaaaaaa..’ – YUM! Your head has just bean eaten by a Zombie bie bie bie.

At least everybody would finally get some rhythm
At least everybody would finally get some rhythm

Quite frankly I believe that those three points prove how imminent a Zombie outbreak in Thailand is and that drastic measures need to be taken in order to prepare for that. Ban flip flops, burn crocs, tell the sun to stop shining and The Cranberries to stop singing (the latter might be the toughest task). Then, and only then, will we have a chance to avoid seeing Brad Pitt and his scarf here in Thailand.

‘Cause this is THRILLLLLLEEEEEEEEEERRRRRRR

 

THE HORRRROOORRRRR
THE HORRRROOORRRRR

Attributions:

Picture 1: Cover Picture: Youtube https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4vUCcWPY-IU – labeled under cc reusable.

Picture 2: Cranberries: “The Cranberries en Barcelona 8” by Alterna2 http://www.alterna2.comThe Cranberries en Barcelona – Uploaded by Amarvudol. Licensed under CC BY 2.0 via Wikimedia Commons.

Picture 3: Michael Jackson – Thriller – Screenshot from the Video to song under the same name released by Epic Records. No copyright infringement intended.

Picture 4: via http://collider.com/ – hope I’m allowed to use it like that. Thank you :-)

Sascha Funk

Founder / Editor at My-Thai.org
Sascha is the publisher of my-thai.org and switched from an online marketing agency life in Europe to a teaching and education life in Thailand. He also writes about Teaching & Technology.

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